Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive?A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says Choo Choo Choo!. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying Here comes the train, and we always used to eat it straight away. If yes, have a look at the list of train jokes for adults! I said, If you think shes beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_15',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Why did the pioneers use covered wagons to move out west? He told me it was hard to keep track. you have a scanner in your car tuned to the train channels to have a heads up on their locations to intercept them at crossings. How are you going to travel without a ticket? said one perplexed accountant. They can just keep chugging. How do you make the locomotive olympics? A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. you rent certain movies at the video store because you know there is a very cool train scene in it. It was an end of line sale. They have a red caboose! Hire an expert to follow the tracks. ", But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free. Me: The station You can do it. Whats one easy way to tell if a train just passed? Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? You have a locomotive. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman. Ive been meaning to make a list of bad railroad punsbut I keep getting side tracked. They all have one-track minds. Every detail needs to be kept track of. Young Woman Trains appeal to everyone on an almost childlike level, perhaps because of their simplicity. 80. Ive always liked one-liners. Is anything the matter?Oh, no, Roger answered. I assume you want diesel power.. Railroad Tracks Q: There was a train with passengers inside. A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. Run faster! "Your name is written inside the cover." Two cows were out in a field eating grass. If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down. Hed never seen a train or the tracks they run on. Give an unforgettable gift and make your loved ones laugh today! The woman sees the same conductor walking past again.She leans out of the window and yells What happened? Without women sex would be a pain in the ass. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. Q: What do you call a locomotive with a cold?A: A choo choo train. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room. The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face. 7. Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. 84. Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams! The train conductor was a very sneaky woman, she always had a track or two up her sleeve. 74. He asks the female whale "let's both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship." Dirty Travel Pick Up LinesJoke Generator These puns will make your flight hot 'n steamy Dirty travel pick up lines, dirty tourism pick up lines, dirty luggage pick up lines, dirty flight pick up lines, dirty airport pick up lines, dirty check-in pick up lines, dirty hotel pick up lines, dirty bus pick up lines, dirty train pick up lines, dirty cruise pick up lines, dirty vacation pick up lines . A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. Unsplash / Lana Abie 1. The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears." Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?A: Platform shoes! Ive always liked one-liners. He had to keep track of everything! A large two engine train was crossing America. The I Choose You T-shirt is our second choice because of the cute train pun. But I realized it would require too much training. Posted February 7, 2004. After a few times the conductor begins to become a bit impatient. Q: If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out?A: There wouldnt be any. That train was putting his pantograph near that other train's bi-directional trainset coupling! Train: A train is a form of rail transport consisting of a series of connected vehicles that generally run along a railroad (or railway) track to transport passengers . The Golden State, which has set tough pollution rules for cars and trucks for half a century, is going after diesel pollution from trains that it says are even dirtier. Want to hear a dirty joke? Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. How can you tell a train just went by?A. Q: What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time?A: Choo choo!. You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. In West Virginia, it was once illegal to sleep on a train. A man gets hit by a train and loses his legs A man loses his legs in a train accident and when hes rushed to hospital the only available transplant are a child's so he gets the surgery and when he wakes up he falls to the floor in pain the nurse runs up and says 'sir is it your legs' and the man goes 'no' 'its my kidneys' They are clean and easy to entertain kids. Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity. Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. Its a gift youll definitely want to get for your loved one. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, cant you go any faster?Oh, yes sir replied the driver, but Im not allowed to leave the train., 49. A: Because it has a tender behind. Stalin says, "I know what to do. The troll that lives under my local railway bridge really is my arch enemy.I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. They can just keep chugging.Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. All rights reserved. If I was the judge, I'd sentence you to my bed. I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day. Location: Melbourne, Australia. Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? She lies down on the bed just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Yo mama so dirty, a pressure washer couldn't even get her clean. Its a slowcomotive. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. 4.-. So I click on the icon that says Home and then it makes me start again. You'll also find jokes about Thomas the Tank Engine and some of his friends on this page - or you can visit a page dedicated to jokes about Thomas Clean Jokes About Trains Jokes for Kids You wont want to miss this hilarious adventure of train jokes and puns that will relieve your stress for a while. Every detail needs to be kept track of. 68. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station.When the train reached Chicago, the mans co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire trip.The man replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys. 69 SUPER Dirty Jokes for Adults Only 2023 (with Photos) 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell - 23 Mar 2022 Sense of Humor Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. Jack: Did you hear about the Model Railroader whose layout got trampled by a herd of buffalo?Fred: No, whats he doing now?Jack: Remodeling., 65. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. If there is any last couch in the train, it should be kept somewhere in the middle. He tried to cover his tracks. The train track says a pint for me, please, and one for the road.I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didnt want to leave his trunk in the baggage car. The Train Wreck T-shirt has an awesome message and a great dark-grey color. There will be no time for you not to laugh uncontrollably. Heard of what? Herd of cows. Of course Ive heard of cows. No, a cow herd. What do I care what a cow heard. Oh, no you dont! Same as usual madam; it has four carriages and it will run on rails.Why shouldnt you fall asleep on trains? Snow White was in bed, feeling Happy. you enjoy being woken up at 2:36 AM by the sound of a train passing by. Yo mama so dirty, her perfume is roach spray. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?A: The locomotive told it to choo choo. Theres never been a failure before. As hes helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, Man youre lucky I was here to help! A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers? To those people who play loud music on the train, I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago. Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. while stopped at a RR Crossing for a long train, the other drivers are swearing and shaking their fists, but youre smiling and waving at the engineer & conductor. He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please.. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. The design with its clear black lines on clear grey sends the right message immediately. A: Because it has a tender behind Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? So which jokes about train are your favorite? Now that you have a handy list of train puns and train jokes at your disposal, its time for you to share them with whoever will listen! A chew chew train! 42. A: Because he's not a conductor! Texas law once said: When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each train shall come to a full stop and neither train shall proceed until the other has gone. It is not surprising that knock-knock jokes have survived into the 21st century despite their corniness. The train departed. If they make the cut (as a stalwart humor publisher we have very high standards) well be sure to include them. Theyre just fun! They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The accountants took their respective seats, but all three engineers crammed into a restroom and closed the door behind them. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." 2. Even the toughest train engineer needs a brake to let off some steam. "You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car!" Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.They all boarded the train. Theyre running with a skeleton service. Thats nearly impossible, he stated. You can see its tracks! On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. A: A jellicopter! Train puns and jokes are surprisingly funny. The manager says he'll be right up. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. Its a slowcomotive.Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Just stay on the right track. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room.No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it.The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks. 90. Lets skip sidings and go for double tracks from Honolulu to LA. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. It leaves tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks." Sure hold on a second., The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, Im sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train., The man says, I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook.. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. I cant help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since. What do you call a sick locomotive? */. Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning! 10. Every detail needs to be kept track of.The conductor kept telling me funny train puns, and it was hard to keep a freight face.Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. The train was about to pull out of the station. Why cant trains sit down? It was an ex-press train. Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? He was very upset and every time he remembered that it was because he was in the last couch. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train. Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees whats happened and asks the desert man, Whyd you ruin my good tea kettle? The desert man replies, Man, you gotta kill these things when theyre small., 48. Q: Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween?A: They only run a skeleton service. A minor slip-up could have devastating consequences. Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. His mum says from the storks. One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!" Whats the angriest piece of track? Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Even though trains are one of the oldest forms of transportation(they date back to the 1800s!) 94. Why are you laughing?Gordon smiled, They only came to see me off.. Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" 25. Indeed, deaths and injuries from electrocution have been on a steady increase globally in recent years. The complaints and suggestions book was given to him and he wrote: There should not be any last couch in the train. It is hard to find good train jokes. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Ready to explore these jokes about train? The ex-press train. We know all about your little banana trick, and youre not escaping this time!. Yo mama so dirty, when she swims in a pool, a ring is left around the edge. 76. 36. Q: When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?A: When its on the train. It was a tram-endous opportunity. His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a train driver. He was just a really bad conductor.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_28',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); What noise does a train make when its sick? Train With Wife Joke - Dirty Jokes Train With Wife Joke Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. As I was on the train on the way home last night, I thought hat a good topic for this week's puns and one-liners would be train jokes, so here are a collection of railway related gags. Train Bloopers and Wrecks | Funny, Weird and Wacky Trains Lots of Videos for Kids-Marshall Publishing 83.2K subscribers 673 273K views 11 years ago This funny train video shows chicken crossing. 13. A chew-chew train. Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning? The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.Congratulations, the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Its always great working with a train conductor. Choose your size on Amazon. 5. The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. They ask him what hed like for his last meal. Q: What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing?A: Its shadow. I want my money back!While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys that were also in the train were looking at them. A lady passenger got off the train at the newly built standard gauge railway station at Jamestown, with a child in her lap and 2 suitcases. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: I wouldnt eat that if I were you.Why not? replied the curious brother.I took one bite and went blind for half a minute., 59. 91. How are you going to travel without a ticket? says one perplexed Irishman.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-3','ezslot_29',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-3-0'); Watch and youll see, answers one of the Scots. Q: What wobbles when it flies? He had to give it back.How do trains hear?Through their engineers.What do you call a pretend railway station?A play station.Why was the train engine humming? Your email address will not be published. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?A: A LOCOmotive. 2.-. I was going to ask the conductor a question when he walked by, but I was too afreight to ask. It comes in a variety of sizes from Small to 3X-Large and is made 100% out of cotton. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? I dont want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive. 1. you find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when youre watching old cop shows and movies on TV. It was exhausting to listen to the conductors argument because she had a one-track mind. Predictably, hes hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.After weeks in the hospital recovering, hes at his friends house attending a party. 45. She's like train tracks - she's been laid across the country. now, cause this is the last stop! I guess thats why I like monorails so much!Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning.Train conductors are known for their drinking. Why did the sperm cross the road? Joke has 85.78 % from 2120 votes. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. 26. If you dont believe us, scroll through this list and see for yourself. No problem, the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Q: Why cant the engineer be electrocuted?A: Because hes not a conductor! But I have to get off there! he insisted.Well, there might be one thing I can do. A train conductor gets arrested for committing crimes in his home town. The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks. Little Johnny asks his mum where babies come from. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it. A: A chew, chew train. I need a taxi urgently. Basically, theyre always up to something and theyll definitely enjoy the message on this grey T-shirt. The realist sees a freight train.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_20',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. One trains the mind, the other minds the trainsI know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. It was an end of line sale. All three fork over the money. I like to share a train pun or one-liner. When he got down at the destination station, he told the station person that he wanted to lodge a complaint against the railway staff. to Chicago. One of them said its a deer. The other said it No its a coyote. The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country.Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time.A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. 95. A single banana, he says. I paid you 100 francs so you wake me up in Mannheim. good train and railway jokes are hard to come by. 69. Achoo choo train. What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A bulldozer; Why don't trees use the train? The conductor was right in the middle of his presentation when he lost his train of thought. seeking at him, another man said, Young man, you should be in better shape! When the train engineer decided he wanted to run for office, he put the development of brailways for the blind as his main priority. New data released by Ipsos this morning has shown that around 55% of Britons expect the Tories to lose seats on Thursday, with 45% expecting Labour to pick up support. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: He isnt strong enough to lift either of them.What do you call a train that likes toffee?A chew-chew train.A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. A train station is where a train stops.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_14',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); If Im offering you my seat, you take it.