Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! I love that. This is the best we can do folks. Some people don't want you to mention certain things. How do school teachers handle this? Deal with it. Simple thing. 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . It's ridiculous! And they have war plans for every contingency, no matter how remote. Remember that? Keep em showing up at those jobs. George Carlin, 81. It sounds fashionable and, to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes . If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. I dont have pet peeves. I call it the American Okie Doke. Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. During bombing raids in Iraq, the media liked to say that Saddam Hussein used people as, The fanatics have another name for fetuses. What do you want Him to do? Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It will not be with jack-boots. Pointless careerism, putting on a man tailored suit and shoulder pads and imitating all the worst behavior of men? It creates a hostile work environment. What a ratio that is: 399,993 to 7. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. Carry a pad and pencil with you, you'll wind up with thirty or forty names by the end of the day. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. Some day birth control will come off prescription, and they'll need those cute little catchy names like the patent medicines havesome day birth control pills will have names like, "Preg-Not"! He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. They don't give a fuck about you. No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. You don't. You have no choice. At least he's honest!" Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. I wish to be BLOWN UP. Doesn't happen 'cause chickens are decent people. And the supreme arrogance? That's my advice. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. F*ck Hope. It's our differences. The planet will take care of itself. Lets get started! Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? Were gonna save the fuckin planet? And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen not true. 50. But once you're born, you're on your own. So arrogant. Fertilization: When the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says, "Gee, honey, I was gonna pull out, but the phone rang and it startled me." We're so self-important. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? I don't believe in road rage; I prefer the gentle rebuke. So let me ask you something: how's everybody doing tonight, huh? 36. If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. One of them turns the radio OFF, and the other one. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. It's like watching flies fuck! ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. We haven't tried that for a while. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners, Vision of Buddhism: The Space Under the Tree, https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=George_Carlin&oldid=3275017, I was on a talk show recently, and the host asked me, "What do you think about the dope problem?" His parents split up when he was an infant because his . And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. (206), There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach contracting, I'm sick of hearing about a baby being kept alive on a resuscitator while doctors wait for a kidney to be flown in on a private jet contributed by some corporation seeking good publicity because they just killed six thousand people in Pakistan with a chemical spill. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic- I'm an acrostic, the whole thing puzzles me. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. That's what you do. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! We're all fucked. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. It's true! I gave up on this stuff. Right in the fucking head! Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, 18. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that shit. Here's another question I have. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. They don't want to hear from you. It's not an attitude in line with the American Spirit, but there it is: we all screw around first. There's such balance in nature. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick! George Carlin, 67. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men off to die. George Carlin, 78. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. "Hey! Everybody complains about politicians. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. They don't fall out of the sky; they don't pass through a membrane from a separate reality. That's a good combination! ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. So, basically, what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer! 19. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. George Carlin, 25. That is a true oxymoron if Ive ever heard one: Civil War. Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? Huh? George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. (12), We're not satisfied with forcing Russia to destroy its nuclear weapons and recant its ideology. Guys would say, "Come back here and fight like a person," And we'd all sing "For it's a jolly good person." People are fucking dumb. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. And in 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Just for you? Seems like a big waste of time to me! I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. 35. 42. They want obedient workers. He said "Hi folks, I'm completely full of shit and how do ya like that?" Did you ever notice that, how many stupid people you run into during the day? In the bullshit department, a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman. Nine years ago today we lost not only one of our better comics, but one of our most vital and intelligent voices. 18. An art thief is a man who takes pictures. It simply does not give a fuck about you! The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? And we wont leave much of a trace. And they all vote. Doc was a connection. This entire country is completely full of shit, and, Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets ya know it! I hate groups of people but I love individuals. It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. Manage Settings Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan? 11. ' George Carlin, 30. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Youd think theyd make natural allies. You don't have to be a history major or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy theory. (154), Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. I believe the list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Maybe evenremember them? Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Name six ways we're better than chickens See, nobody can do it! Various lists of humorous one-liners were forwarded through email in the 1990s, falsely attributed to George Carlin. People are fucking nuts. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. George Carlin, 60. Here's what happened: I give you my revised list of the Two Commandments: "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie", and "thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than the one you pray to". They don't take into them the idea that we are part of it. That kind of shit is very limiting for this brain we have. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights.